I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize