I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
