bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
