She is in my trunk
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
