Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
