I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize