just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
