I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
