I am in a vortex of obligation.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
