I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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