come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
