My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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