If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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