my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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