he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
