I'm sorry my penis didn't work
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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