yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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