I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
