Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
