ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found puke in my bra..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
