make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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