I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
