Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
