he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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