Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
