I will die if light touches me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
