i barfeds in our rink
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
