We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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