He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
