fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
