He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
