well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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