she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
