i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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