census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize