the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
