I'm drive I can fine osifer
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
