naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
