would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
