I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
