My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just had sex bonerless
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
