I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
