I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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