Just cropdusted the office
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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