I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
