I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
