I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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