i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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