you told grandpa to call you daddy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
