She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
