you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
