So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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