We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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