We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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