Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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