Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
