one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
