He told me they were just razor bumps!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pooping to opera.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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