The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
