brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
