I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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