omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
