just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
