I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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