Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
