I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize