I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
