I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
