dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
please come you make the beer taste better
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
