I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize