'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
