It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
