now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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