now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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