Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
