2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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