When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
