he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize