I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
