Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize