If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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