Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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