Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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