I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
