i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
