I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
