you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
