Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm at about main and main street
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
