glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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