I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize