I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
