it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
