pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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