is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
