Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
