I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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