Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
