Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
