I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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