hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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