my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
