Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
